~Endless~

There's still a little girl in me,
She never got what she did need,
A comforting hand, a soothing voice,
What was recieved wasn't by choice.

Gritted teeth, pain and tears,
Not forgotten, just repressed over years,
Many sleepless nights and darkened days,
That little girl never learned how to play.

That pain has now seeped into her life,
A woman with many steep mountains to climb,
Broken friendships and unfinished dreams,
The past floods back more often it seems.

When will it let loose? When will she be free?
To be everything her Creator made her to be,
The endless battle in her mind rages on,
Who will love me? Where do I belong?

Clouded mind and infected thoughts,
Peace in reach waiting to be caught,
Each battle won, two more ensue,
Gaining wisdom and strength along the way through.

Still the echos of the past haunt her nights,
Regret and shame blocking the light,
Unable to understand the truth of love,
Failing to grasp meaning of grace from above.


Merciless life and hardened hearts,
Reaching for love, recieving darts,
Never knowing unconditional love,
Feeling worthless, tainted, never enough.

Now she watches herself destroy everything,
Her hate never leaving even from her dreams,
Cold eyes and an ungiving life,
Fruit rotting in a basket it seems.

Hope beyond hope there's still a chance,
That her life someday will bring romance,
A fire for living, a passion inside,
A song on her lips and a graceful dance.


There's still a little girl in me,
She never got what she did need,
But her Father calls from up above,
Beckoning with arms full of Love.

Everything she'll ever need,
What she'll be He will teach,
He will cradle the dark places within,
Never far, willing to forgive.

See there's still a little girl in me,
Scared, shaking, untrusting,
Jesus reaches out to me,
When He's here darkness just can't be.


Megan Adams
September 6th, 2011
1:04 a.m.
 

Trouble sleeping...*))

The silence of night can be deafening when you can't sleep.

Here I am once again, laying here, mind wondering away with baskets full of my peaceful slumber. Why can't I get to sleep lately? I'm beating my head against the wall (not literally) with this question. Too much on my mind, my friend. I watch the hours tick away...10...11...12...1...2. For weeks now.

Every morning I have to come face to face with the sun and the stark realization that yes, once again, I achieved maybe 4-5 hours decent rest. I can tell you in over-emphasis that that is just not enough. No, not for a mother of 4 who needs to move non-stop all day to keep up with all the fiery pins she's juggling. (I've been watching too much America's Got Talent.)

I'm tired! Half way through each day I feel as though someone has given me an IV with a black hole on the other end. I'm sick of the grump in the mirror every morning, fighting for a shred of joy so I don't rip someones head off...just being honest.

Maybe I'm spreading myself entirely too thin and it's making my brain tweak out. I long for some sort of balance. It all looks like peaches and cream on the outside but the inside is melted! When I lay down at night it is as if the shift sets gears in motion in my head... What do I need to do tomorrow? Do I need to go anywhere? Do I have homework? What am I going to feed the kids for lunch? We're almost out of laundry soap. If they don't start keeping their stuff picked up, I swear I'll go on strike! (LOL, it would never work!) 

Stop brain, enough is enough. For. Real.    

Insomniacs~ I feel your pain! How do people do this?